Why Does Cancer Have an Inconsistent Relationship with Forgiveness?

To err is human, to forgive divine.
Alexander Pope

We are human beings and from time to time are prone to do or say things for which we later will need to seek forgiveness from others. As the above quote from Alexander Pope reminds us, forgiveness is an intentional act of grace. But some people seem to be more inclined to offer forgiveness than others. Among these, some say that Cancer has a reputation for being quick to forgive. But what is it about their personality that makes them this way and is this reputation deserved?

On average, Cancers readily forgive others, but simultaneously hold grudges against the same people that they have forgiven. This contradiction exists because Cancer is a nurturing water sign that will forgive in order to alleviate perceived suffering in others. But they remember the transgression in an effort to protect their feelings from being hurt again.

We interviewed a group of Cancer natives to gain a greater understanding of their inconsistent relationship with forgiveness. Representative quotes from these interviews are presented throughout this article to help illustrate concepts. Keep reading to find out more about forgiveness and this very interesting water sign.

Why Does Cancer Readily Forgive Others?

Cancer is one of the most nurturing and caring signs of the zodiac. They share this quality with the other water signs: Pisces and Scorpio. Cancer is the only sign that is ruled by the Moon, which also makes it the most maternal of the zodiac signs.

Mothers are very compassionate toward those who are suffering, especially children. Cancer natives tend to be very empathetic, to the point where they actually can feel the suffering of others. If they perceive suffering in a person that has committed a transgression against them, they will offer their forgiveness as a means of alleviating their pain. They will do this even if the transgressor does not really deserve to be forgiven or has not apologized.

I’m a Cancer that probably forgives too easily. I don’t just give second chances, you get an unlimited number with me.

Remember, Cancer can feel the pain of others. Thus, their readiness to forgive at times can be to relieve their own sense of discomfort as much as it is to soothe that of others.

Is Forgiveness Necessary?

If you lack the ability to forgive, then all of your relationships will be fragile and superficial.
Leo Gura

Forgiveness is one of six core virtues in Vedic Dharma. A person who refuses to forgive carries the burden of memories of the transgression, its negative feelings, anger, and unresolved emotions. These will affect your present as well as your future. In Vedic Dharma, not only should you forgive others, but you must also seek forgiveness if you have wronged someone else.

I’m a Cancer and I forgive easily, especially if the person acknowledges what they have done.

The Bhagavad Gita takes this one step further and emphasizes that none of us are without transgression and therefore need forgiveness. The mere act of living in this world means that you inevitably will cause harm to others in some way, whether it be intentional or unintentional. Chatting with a friend on your smartphone, eating food, washing your clothes, or any of the myriad other things that comprise daily life, there always is someone that loses something to make things possible for you. If you want to be free from negative karma, then you must seek forgiveness from your Creator, whether you believe that you have committed any offense or not.

True Forgiveness vs. Insincere Forgiveness

As we will learn, most people, including Cancer natives, do not truly forgive but instead offer forgiveness that is insincere. So what is true forgiveness? Let’s find out.

True forgiveness consists of three major components:

The act of releasing your indignation. Forgiveness is impossible if you stubbornly cling to your anger.
The act of offering grace to another person. You offer forgiveness even if the person has not done anything to merit your forgiveness.
The act of forgetting the transgression. You make a promise to yourself not to revisit the offense again.

It’s safe to say that most people exclusively focus on the releasing indignation and grace components of forgiveness. They allegedly let go of their hurt feelings but they do not forget. Instead, they ruminate about the wrong that was done to them long after the outward act of forgiveness has occurred. They stoke a remaining ember of their indignation, keeping it burning and ready to flare up again at a moment’s notice. This is insincere forgiveness. You are stuck in the past.

I forgive easily, as long as you own up to what you did. But I’ll never forget and I’ll be super cautious in future dealings with you.

Motivational speaker Leo Gura states that in true forgiveness, you release your sense of indignation and decide to move on from the situation that caused it. You create a blank slate.

Insincere forgiveness also can be self-righteous. You are proud of yourself for being noble and forgiving another person. You elevate yourself onto a podium with an air of superiority. You hold your act of grace over the other person. When a comparable situation occurs, you refer to your virtuous act of forgiving them on a previous occasion. In doing so, you are poisoning the relationship.

I may say that I forgive you, but I’m always gonna bring it up in every fight! I never forget it! I will make it seem like I’m ok, but I’m actually still really upset.

The point of forgiveness is to create a blank slate so that you can move forward. But the goal of self-righteousness is to feed your ego. You can’t move forward because you are locked in the past. The toxicity of insincere forgiveness creates a layer of resentment that runs through your entire relationship/friendship. It is passive-aggressive in nature.

In your mind, you may think that you have forgiven the person and congratulate yourself for being noble, but you really have forgiven them in name only. Inside, you haven’t really forgiven them at all. You’re holding something back, just in case, and, in many different subtle ways, you continue to hold their transgression against them. It creates more and more dysfunction. A blank slate has not been created.

True forgiveness means that you have to forget the wrong that a person did to you. Many struggle with this component because they interpret the word “forget” too literally. Forgetting the wrong is an active decision. It is a promise that you make to yourself. The other person has nothing to do with it. You are making a conscious decision to let go of your indignation about the situation and are promising to yourself that you will not revisit it again.

But I can’t just let it go!

Then you have not released your indignation over the offense. You’re still back at step one.

True forgiveness requires discipline and determination because it is impossible to erase the incident from your mind. A true blank slate doesn’t exist. From time to time, the memory will rear its ugly head, usually when you are upset about something else. During those times, you must marshal the strength and courage to honor the original promise that you made to yourself, a promise that you will not revisit the original transgression.

Notice that forgetting in this context does not mean a loss of memory. On the contrary, the incident might be indelibly seared in your mind. Instead, it means that you have made a promise to yourself not to give any of your energy to the memory. When the memory of a previous incident is deprived of energy, it functionally does not exist. It has no power. You will be free and no longer be bound to the past.

True forgiveness is when you realize that you have no reason to hate or judge the other person in the first place.
Maxwell Maltz

Do I Have To Forgive?

Forgiving an offense is an active decision that you make. This means that deciding not to forgive is a legitimate path to take. For example, a person may have wronged you in a way that you are unable or unwilling to forget. Trust has been broken and the relationship simply cannot be repaired. In this case, it is appropriate not to forgive them. This decision might not be permanent. You may discover that after some time has passed that you can offer true forgiveness to the person, at which point you probably should do it.

The distinction here is subtle but important to avoid negative consequences for your karma. Choosing not to forgive someone is being honest with yourself. You simply are not ready to assume the responsibility of true forgiveness. In some instances, you might never reach that point. Yes, according to Vedic Dharma, you will carry the burden of memories related to the transgression. However, this might only be temporary and it is preferable to the dishonest action of offering insincere forgiveness. This is because insincere forgiveness stacks a new transgression that you have made onto the one that originally happened to you. Compounding offenses like this always leads to negative karma.

Why Do Cancers Have Difficulty Forgetting Transgressions?

The zodiac sign Cancer is represented by a crab with a hard shell. When crabs face danger, they pull all of their body parts under the shell as a means of protection. The zodiac sign Cancer behaves similarly. In this case, they are protecting their feelings by hiding them under their protective shell. They want to make sure that they are not hurt in the same way again.

I forgive, but find it difficult to forget. Once I am hurt by someone I’m reluctant to fully open myself up to that person again. I want to see the best in others, I just do so with caution.

Cancers live in an emotional world and are hurt easily. Although it may seem to others that they merely are angry, more complex feelings likely are involved, such as sadness, disappointment, a sense of betrayal, and feelings of vulnerability and discomfort. Cancers have a difficult time forgetting transgressions because they are wrapped up in all of these other emotions.

A Cancer native might decide to accept your apology and give you a second chance, but they likely will place you under constant surveillance to determine if your apology is sincere.

Cancer Is Ruled by the Moon

Cancer natives are known for being the most changeable personalities of the zodiac in terms of their emotions. One reason for this is because the Moon rules them. The Moon changes its sign about every 2 ½ days and fluctuates from new to full and back to new again over the Lunar cycle. Similar to the Moon, Cancer natives experience phases that can range from kindness and loyalty to bitterness and resentment. It is challenging to try and predict when changes in their mood will occur.

I can forgive, but I won’t forget and this actually causes me a lot of mental anguish. I will think about it for years, suffering with what the person did, and reliving it in my head. I just cannot get over the pain that they caused me.

With this in mind, a friend or romantic partner may be shocked to learn that a Cancer native has withdrawn the forgiveness they gave to them a few days earlier because of some other incident.

Final Thoughts

This article focuses on Cancer’s complex and seemingly inconsistent relationship with forgiveness. As our interviews with Cancer natives reveal, they tend to engage in insincere forgiveness. This is an area where a Cancer native might need to do some work so that they can live a life unburdened by past events. But they are not the only zodiac sign that needs to overcome their tendency toward insincere forgiveness. Most of us do.

After reading this article, you might be left with the impression that the Cancer zodiac sign is encumbered with negative characteristics. Nothing could be further from the truth! Cancers have many enduring traits that make them great friends and romantic partners. Remember, each one of us has challenges that we need to work on to live a prosperous and fulfilling life. Cancer is no different in this regard. Those of us who are not Cancer natives need to explore how we can best support them. Astrology helps us pinpoint areas of weakness and strength to use to our advantage in our life’s journey.

Acknowledgements

Headline photo by Alex Green from Pexels
Hands with flower photo by Lina Trochez on Unsplash
Refusal Photo by Anete Lusina from Pexels
Moon photo by Ganapathy Kumar on Unsplash